Hair

We wash our hair so that when the hungry men come they do not mistake us for platefuls of spaghetti and eat the hair right off our heads.

Others have a similar problem – with hair, hay and horses.

If the visibly-clean shine is not enough to remind the hungry men that our hair is not spaghetti, the taste of shampoo sure will.

I could try poisoning the shampoo to ensure the problem does not recur but I am fearful that the poison will seep into my scalp. Also, I'm not completely sure I want the men dead.

So we wash our hair, and take care to remove any accessories or fallen leaves which could be mistaken for a meatball. The red-headed people have it worse – so far we have been unable to explain to the hungry men that the ginger hair is not covered in tomato sauce.

I would usually be agitated at the eating of pasta without cutlery. However, in this case, I am quite glad that the men do not bring knives and forks anywhere near our heads.