Not many people know this, but the decoration of Christmas trees harks back to the long-lost gospel of St Melvin.
When Jesus was dying on the cross, his pal Melvin tried to cheer him up by attaching ribbons, jingle bells, candles and small ceramic ornaments to Christ's dying body. Jesus was not amused. However, he's such a forgiving guy, he couldn't find it in his heart to tell Melvin to stop.
So, next time you're decorating the Christmas tree, spare a thought for St Melvin, and imagine the tree you're sprucing up is the desiccated body of the Son of God.
Smile as Melvin smiled. Laugh as Melvin laughed. Eat with your mouth open, as Melvin ate with his mouth open. Feel no remorse, as Melvin felt no remorse.
Ignore Jesus’ cries for help, and decorate, decorate, decorate.