To the man outside the train station who brushed past my elbow brandishing a lit cigarette, thank you for not burning me. It was hardly a conscious decision, I know, but thank you all the same. That burn which I did not receive thus never grew infected, and then I did not have to have the arm amputated. As a consequence, I did not learn that the amputation had not prevented the spread of the infection to my brain and heart. Thus, I did not die three weeks later. So thank you for your wise decision to not burn me with your lit cigarette as you rushed past, hurrying off to who knows where. Wherever you were going, I hope you made it on time.
To the woman in the scarf at the ticket machine, thank you for not sticking out your leg when I wasn't looking, tripping me, and sending me flying head over heels, landing on my neck, snapping it and instantly killing me. It was very nice of you - an unexpected kindness in a world fraught with unpredictability and danger.
To the old man on Platform 2, thank you for not shoving me from behind as the train approached, crushing the life from my body under the carriage’s unstoppable weight. There would have been no reason for you to push me in this way. But sometimes people snap for no reason - sometimes things just happen - so thank you all the same.
To the group of screaming children at the other end of the train car, thank you for not throwing pebbles in my eyes, blinding me, and feeding me alive to a large, ferocious dog. At that age you cannot possibly understand what this means to me. But from the depths of my heart, thanks.
To the girl sitting opposite me, thank you for not waiting until I fell asleep, opening the train carriage’s emergency exit and watching me fall out of it, still asleep, propelled along the ground by the train’s speed until I became a lifeless, bloody pulp. Seriously, I've got to hand it to you on this one. Good job.
And to all the people who have yet to make the decision to not kill me, and act or not act on their impulses, may I extend my most sincere thanks in advance. I would appreciate it greatly if you, too, would continue with your plan of not killing me, and encourage your friends to do the same.
Cheers,
Rory