In some cases, fire consumes bodies. In this country, bodies consume fire.
For the correct growth and continued survival of the human body, it is important to consume adequate nourishment. Most activities, such as living, require the replenishment of energies. The most efficient energy consumption technique is the eating of fire.
It is vital to prepare yourself for a meal by collecting the necessary equipment. A flamecatching mitt, for the left hand. A two-sided plate, with one side oil-soaked wood, the other side a non-flammable substance like steel. A flame-resistant visor, so one can witness the meal as the face devours it - social psychologists claim that half of taste exists in the idea of taste rather than the tongue, including visual cues. As such, to properly experience the flavour of fire, one must see it.
Once these materials have been collected, we may begin. Now, prior to the actual eating, we utter a prayer. This is not addressed to any specific deity - God does not exist - but a prayer to the vast, uncaring universe, which nonetheless provides us with the glorious opportunity to consume as rare and precious a substance as fire. Not an act of generosity, but an act of random chance.
The prayer generally proceeds as follows:
“Dear Universe, we thank you for all the decisions you do not make, and pledge indifference to all of your infinite forms that our feeble brains do not understand. Our lives ebb and flow at the turn of your careless heel; we live and die at the mercy of your whim. Dear Universe, grant us the power to acknowledge that, like you, we ourselves do not really exist. But also we thank you for the way in which our non-existence is not enough to prevent us from enjoying a delicious meal of the fire you so thoughtlessly provide. Let us bathe our tongues and teeth in flames. Amen.”
Arrange the fire-plate on the table where you will be consuming the meal. Put on your visor and your flamecatching mitt. Remember, left hand. This is important. Then head over to your flame storage unit, and open it up. Reach in and grab a large handful of the fire. Make sure to do this with the gloved hand, otherwise you'll be burnt to a crisp. Carry the flame back to the table. Hold it up to the plate until it’s adequately set alight.
With this accomplished, you may sit and eat.
The first few bites are generally quite painful. Slightly too hot. Liable to set your facial hair afire, if you have any. But persevere. Fire has a complex, deep flavour, once you get past the initial burning and screaming.
If you can't handle it, not to worry. You can always try eating again tomorrow. But bear in mind, all non-fire-related foodstuffs are forbidden. You can snack on some unlit matches if you want, but it won't do you much good.
But the universe isn't disappointed in you. It can't feel disappointment. Couldn't if it wanted to. Maybe it would if it could, if it saw your failure, and was moved to a frown. But the universe does not frown. Not in a way humans can perceive.
But that's beside the point.
I'm disappointed in you. And I don't even know you. You should probably be disappointed in yourself.
But if you did manage to successfully eat the fire, I'd like to wish you congratulations. This will be the shape of all of your future meals. You have proven yourself worthy. I'm proud of you.
But the universe isn't proud of you. The universe does not experience pride, other than vicariously, through us. Be proud of yourself, if you want.